24 February 2002

Rollerball (2002)

Jonathan (Chris Klein), unable to realize his dream of the big athletic career in the States, in the blink of a cut, is the most popular player in the unabashedly manufactured sport of Rollerball. He finds sexual solace in the otherwise icy Aurora (Rebecca Romijn-Stamos) and with the help of his pal (LL Cool J) begins to suspect that the poverty in the Central Asian countries where the stadiums are built and the machinations of the investors in the owner’s booth are somehow connected. <> I suppose it is too much to ask for the Cyrillic typography used to decorate the stadiums and form the logos on the television broadcasts be correct. I recently had the chance to watch the 1975 original on Turner Classic Movies. To say this remake is dumbed down is merely to state a fact (gender inclusiveness among the players excepted, naturally). What I found most fascinating, in the wake of having read Nicholson Baker’s recent Double Fold: Libraries and the Assault on Paper, is the prescient scene where James Caan strives to understand the world he lives in by visiting the library and discovers it is nothing more than a terminal for whatever the central computer deigns to deliver. There are not, in fact, he laments, any books in this building. Chris Klein was genial enough in Election and American Pie but his character, having had a last name added (Cross, I suppose there’s some significance in that), does not think of visiting a library. The ultimate revolt he engenders is nothing more than a slave’s revolt content to topple the local boss but unable to think to march on Rome. Romijn-Stamos, on the other hand, facial scar prosthetic notwithstanding, has the most exquisite pair of Vulcan eyebrows and a hair style that owes as much to Mr. Spock as to Bettie Page—it’s quite enough to make me forget about Jolene Blalock. Alas, their internal lives are so arid as to defy much sympathy.

97 minutes.

23 February 2002

Birthday Girl

We first hear the explanation of John (Ben Chaplin) for why he should be making a life-changing decision. Seems life in a nice enough house about 40 miles from London (except for the ants, of course) which borders on unimproved land is missing something, and John has turned to the Internet and the ready, willing, and waiting brides-to-be in Russia. When Nadia (Nicole Kidman) shows up at Heathrow, she is not as promised: she does not speak English. John’s frantic calls to the matchmaking service go unanswered, while Nadia finds his small collection of bondage videos, and they reach an accomodation based on nasty sex. Any chance of an idyllic future for these two is shattered by the arrival of Alexei (Vincent Cassel) and Yuri (Mathieu Kassovitz), two thugs from Russia claiming to be cousins of Nadia who you wouldn’t have in your house a few minutes, let alone overnight. The fact that John is a bank teller is no coincidence. <> Most critics saw fit to mention the hair Nicole Kidman wears in this movie. Thin, limp, unrelentingly brown, it is pretty ghastly. But, ew, Kidman was so thin when this was made (perhaps trying to reinforce the desperation her character is supposed to be experiencing) that her bones stick out in strange places. Chaplin plays pretty close to the timid, befuddled character he played in The Truth About Cats and Dogs—and this time, his accent is not a problem. As it is, while the movie veers from romance in strained circumstances to bank robbery (I told you John’s occupation was not a coincidence) and a flight from justice fraught with violence, there is a loss of credibility. There does not seem to be any political or symbolic point to make in having John drive a bright orange MGB that is probably older than he is and which does not work all that well.

87 minutes.

22 February 2002

Italian for Beginners

In an unspecified location somewhere in Denmark, temporary pastor Andreas (Anders W. Berthelsen) arrives for his new assignment. He quickly becomes enmeshed in the lives of the desperate local singles, at least two of whom have really demanding parents. The receptionist at the hotel where he takes a room, Jorgen Mortensen (Peter Gantzler), has just been told to fire his best friend Hal-Finn (Lars Kaalund), whose abuse of the customers at the sports bar has gotten too loud and too much to ignore. The hairdresser he goes to for a trim on the receptionist’s advice, Karen (Ann Eleonora Jorgensen), is struggling with her cranky, stubborn mother. Bakery assistant Olympia (Anette Stovelbaek) is constantly dropping things and endures a daily harangue from her easily irritated father. The waitress at the sports bar, Giulia (Sara Indrio Jensen), loyal to Hal-Finn, pines for the older Jorgen. They, and others, end up at the weekly lessons in Italian at the local school. Until, that is, the first of several deaths in the community, starting with the instructor. <> The cinematographic restrictions of the Dogma 95 manifesto remind me of nothing so much as the cramped close-ups and lack of establishing shots that I complained about in the French pornography of Baise-Moi. Although much, much lighter on the romance and the comedy than what I remember of the trailer from Miramax, there is still much humor among the misery, end-of-life decisions, and arguments about the nature of God. The pairing up of the characters is suspicious (but not problem-free), and while the last-reel visit to Venice is superfluous, all make their contribution to a pleasant diversion.

99 minutes.

17 February 2002

Black Hawk Down

A simple mission to reach a building in Mogadishu and take prisoner all inside goes horribly wrong when the local population shoots down two of the helicopters. So. It’s a little funny that Josh Hartnett should get a credit above the title. Under their helmets and behind their long rifles amidst the cacaphony of war and the mess of blood and body parts, the members of the Rangers and Delta Force are hard to tell apart. Filmed in Morocco, there’s a suspicious number of names that strike me as East European.

143 minutes.

16 February 2002

In the Bedroom

A summer dalliance between the only son of a Maine family and a mother of two who’s not quite divorced leads to death when the husband who’s not quite an ex (and scion of the local cannery) doesn’t like it. So. Architecture, argument, revenge. What’s all the fuss about?

130 minutes.

Shiri (1999)

A series of expert contract killings around Seoul means that Hee, a ruthless female agent from North Korea, has returned from hiding. Best buddies Ryu and Lee in the secret service must track her down, while Lee plans a wedding to Hyun. So. Shiri is a fish, eh? I should have known. Hyun’s fish shop must have been swimming in metaphor. Like the French before them, the Koreans have decided that there’s nothing that Jerry Bruckheimer and his ilk can do that they can’t. There’s plenty of gunfire and explosions and chases and will-the-stadium-blow-up suspense. On the other hand, wounds seem to heal fairly quickly.

121 minutes.

15 February 2002

Crossroads

Lucy (Britney Spears) is the level-headed valedictorian who dreams of reuniting with her mother who left her and automotive mechanic Pop (Dan Aykroyd) when she was 3. Mimi (Taryn Manning) wants to pursue singing and thinks an audition in Los Angeles is what she needs to be noticed. Kit (Zoe Saldana) thinks she’s got it all figured out, but is getting suspicious that her mate-to-be, in college in California, is harder and harder to get on the telephone. The friendship of these three high school graduates dissipated sometime in the past 8 years. But impulsively Lucy and Kit join Mimi and the offer of a ride from Ben (Anson Mount) to head west. So. Will there be conflict and bonding? Will the car break down? Will Lucy discover that she’s got a singing voice (honed by all those years singing along to Madonna albums)? Yes, yes, yes, to all of it. The product placement is not too emphatic. A vending machine here and there, some crushed cans on the dashboard. Lucy claims that the car is a 1973 Buick (it must be in the pressbook, all the critics agree with her) but surely the bumpers are a little too thin for that year? Really, Kim Cattrall should have foregone the and credit, her role (as the mother doing very well for herself in Arizona) is so small. Who would have imagined that there could be a movie with a weaker understanding of the college admission process than Legally Blonde? Not nearly as embarrassing as it could have been.

93 minutes.