25 June 2005

What could be worse than your mother unexpectedly moving in, complaining about the contents of your refrigerator, deciding that the windows of your apartment could really use some curtains, and pawing through all your drawers? For Wilhelmina Pang (Michelle Krusiec), a Manhattan-based surgeon known as Wil and recognized by her flat heels, sturdy pants, and man-tailored oversized shirts, the topper is that her Mom is pregnant. Widowed Ma (Joan Chen) knows she can rely on her only daughter for shelter now that she’s been evicted by her own father for bringing shame to the family (she declines to name the father of the baby) but she worries that Wil has not married yet. But that’s not the worst of it for Wil. After years of dragging herself to Flushing and attending the weekly community dance where she fends off the latest prospect put forward by her family, Wil has caught the eye of the really hot ballet dancer Vivian (Lynn Chen) and the feeling is mutual. Sweet. Works for me.

98 minutes.

I should have known better… although there are moments where this tale of a city ruled by gangs and the indomitable residents of Pig Sty Alley who resist their influence once poverty proves no barrier to their interest led me to laugh out loud, most of the running time is taken up by the kind of one-against-many fighting that bored me so much in Kill Bill Vol. 1.

98 minutes.

22 June 2005

Saddled with the baggage of the lurid tales that accompanied the shooting schedule and the rumors regarding the body shape of its biological star, and bearing a title that might as well say completely drunk, this G-rated curiosity features Lindsay Lohan as Maggie Peyton, the daughter and youngest in the Peyton racing family. Upon her graduation from college, Maggie’s father (Michael Keaton) offers her the choice of any heap in the local junkyard and for reasons she can’t quite understand she ends up with an old Volkswagen Beetle which has already given the junkyard some trouble. It seems odd that Disney should try to revive a franchise so old that the mechanical star would easily qualify for antique plates in this state and while in the world of the film Herbie is a historical object (clips from earlier productions play during the opening credits) no character betrays the slightest interest regarding its provenance. Anyway, even though she has a job lined up with (Disney subsidiary) ESPN in Manhattan, and her father absolutely forbids her from racing, it’s in her blood, see, and an impromptu visit to a car show (mostly motivated by Herbie) leads to her win in a street race over a conceited NASCAR driver (Matt Dillon). This means war, and even though she lies to her father’s face, betrays Herbie even as she embraces his mystery, and leads on the congenial local mechanic (Justin Long), everything largely turns out ok. The slapstick might be old but it’s reliable and except for one misguided moment recalling Who Framed Roger Rabbit the effects largely respect the mechanical nature of the hero. Director Angela Robinson brought along at least two of her performers from D.E.B.S. so that’s fun, too. She’s too young for you, indeed. For what it is, a fun ride.

100 minutes.

18 June 2005

A movie so reliant on black-and-white cinematography, dismemberment, and above all a running monologue leaves little room for anything else. Devon Aoki as the samurai-sword wielding Miho doesn’t even get any lines (and really, she was acting with the Fringlish accent in D.E.B.S.)! One might be forgiven for thinking that all of the residents of Basin City (just off the interchange with I-287) are packing heat, harboring a grudge, or just plain mean-tempered… or even pegging the loopiness meter… but then there’s Nancy (Jessica Alba) who’s none of the above. It is not a spoiler to say that many, many people are killed in ways that do not leave an intact body. Plainly floats some people’s boats.

122 minutes.

In a demon-perfused world, anything is possible. Sophie, a young hat-maker, hears that Howl and his moving castle are in the neighborhood but thinks nothing more of it until she runs an errand and encounters the agents of the Witch of the Waste. Although rescued by a mysterious flying gentleman, Sophie is caught by the witch later and made old. Taking this in stride and ready to change professions anyway, Sophie leaves town and eventually finds herself aboard the ambulatory dwelling of the mysterious Howl. Set in an earlier time (by the locomotive which moves through town spewing black smoke or the battleship which limps into port) yet featuring aerial vessels ranging from personal VTOLs to flying wings and air destroyers, the animation is characteristically assured even as the story seems a bit vague and episodic. A caution on choosing your theater: some prints are in Japanese with subtitles in English, while others feature a dubbed soundtrack. The exasperated tone of Calcifer, oppressed to serve as the demon of the hearth and as the power driving the walking dwelling as a result of his bargain with Howl, suits him well in the original soundtrack.

119 minutes.

14 June 2005

The marriage of Tom Smith (Brad Pitt) and Jane Smith (Angelina Jolie) is shaky. It’s been a few years and the initial charge is exhausted. They live in a substantial home somewhere on Long Island and are employed securely (construction engineering and emergency IT services) but they just don’t talk to each other much beyond what civility requires. They cannot even admit to their counselor how rare the sex is. What are they hiding? Sometimes… one just has to wallow in the star power. The two are still pretty, they can handle the comedy and the romance and the action, no problem, there’s an energy the leading couple give the slightly lackluster script that pushes it positively.

120 minutes.

12 June 2005

Los Angeles is having a bad couple of days and nearly everyone is being nasty to anyone in earshot.

112 minutes.

10 June 2005

A zebra (Chris Rock) in New York’s Central Park Zoo gets melancholy when the lion (Ben Stiller), hippopotamus (Jada Pinkett Smith), and giraffe (David Schwimmer) celebrate his 10th birthday, so when the penguins misjudge the distance to the zoo’s perimeter in their tunneling and pop up in his yard instead he gets the idea to return to the wild. They all get to leave the zoo, all right, but end up in crates on their way to Kenya. Reaching the titular landmass and encountering a land of lemurs… there’s no real story arc here. So it’s a weak plot dressed up with desperate asides (one panicked lemur runs around with a book entitled To Serve Lemur yelling It’s a cookbook! ) which are fitfully amusing. By the way, the Twilight Zone episode (the ending of which is spoiled by the aside) was first shown in 1962.

86 minutes.